Boozy Travels with Rivers

Talk Dirty to Me…

If you asked anyone they’d likely tell you that my favorite drink is wine. They wouldn’t be wrong, I really love wine – but I love it at home. Its rare that I order wine when I go out. To me, wine goes with the couch, or a bubble bath. It goes with that first moment of silence after putting the little guy to bed. It sips perfectly by a Christmas tree or on the deck by the water.

When I go out? Its different. I generally have a favorite drink everywhere I go, kind of how I associate wine with my home I have a drink that I associate with my favorite places. At the Melting Pot I always order a Vapor. At Homecomin’ I always order a Bloody Mary. But just as I have drinks associated with places…I have drinks associated with occasions.

Every year, late summer or early fall I take a little trip by myself to my favorite resort in Orlando. I always get there hours before I can check in to the room because I like to spend the afternoon in the lobby by the fountain, watching people mill about, listening to the music and pretending I’m not glancing at the bar every 2-4 minutes waiting for it to open.

This is normally about where I sit and you can see Phins bar in the background…

I really love the fountain…

But this is about alcohol – and low key stalking the bar.

It opens later than literally any other bar in the resort, but its absolutely thrilling when they walk out and begin to set up. Soon thereafter the waitress will meander about those sitting around the lobby near the bar to take drink orders. Thats when I get to order the drink that kicks off one of my favorite times of the year.

“I’ll have a dirty-as-a-whore-on-the-corner martini, please.”

You heard what I said.

There’s always an awkward pause. A stifled laugh. Then the attempt to make the situation normal again, “would you like gin or vodka?”

But I have to take it back.

“Vodka. And don’t forget to tell them – dirty as a whore.”

Let’s be real for a minute, folks. If a dirty martini is not made with the proper level of dirty then you’re basically sipping a fancy glass of rubbing alcohol. You need that brine. It needs to be cloudy. You need to question if there’s anything but olive juice in that glass. You need to sip it and reminisce on the ocean.

Then you need to sip it again and lean back on the cushion by that fountain and exhale because…its finally vacation time.

There is nothing better than that first dirty martini in the early afternoon to kick off your vacation. To have nowhere to be. To have nothing to do but sip that cold, briny elixir and wait for your room key.

True bliss.

PS – this apocalyptic plague is gonna have to back the fuck down because I’m gonna be saltier than that martini if I don’t get to make my annual trip this year!

Now this isn’t something I generally make at home because it doesn’t give me the same feeling as the one pictured above.

But, given the apocalypse – I might have to settle this year. Luckily, its easy enough to recreate (sans the whole resort/vacation part)!

Dirty as a Whore on the Corner Martini

2.5 ounces vodka
1.5 ounces dry vermouth
0.5 ounces olive brine (that’s a lie. don’t measure – pour until its filthy)

Shake with ice, strain into a glass, garnish with olives.

Incase that dirty martini isn’t speaking to you…take a look (and probably a sip) of this one:

Cherry Vanilla Rum Float

2 vanilla bean pods
1/2 cup water
1 cup sugar
1/2 pound fresh or frozen pitted cherries
1 tablespoon lemon juice

4 scoops of vanilla ice cream
6 ounces Captain Morgan original spiced rum
cherry vanilla syrup
soda water
maraschino cherries for garnish


1. Cherry Vanilla Syrup: Slice vanilla bean pods down the center and scrape out the black seeds. Add seeds and husks to a small saucepan. Add water, sugar, and cherries to the saucepan. Place pan on medium-low heat. Stir well to dissolve sugar and bring to a simmer.

2. Use a small potato masher or a fork to muddle the cherries while simmering. Let simmer for 7–8 minutes, until liquid reduces and becomes syrupy. Stir in lemon juice. Remove from heat and let cool. Strain syrup, pressing mixture through a sieve with a spatula to extract all the liquid.

3. Float: Place a scoop of vanilla ice cream in each glass. Pour 11⁄2 ounces Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum into each, followed by 2 tablespoons of cherry vanilla syrup. Fill each glass up to the top with soda water. Garnish with maraschino cherries.