Storytime with the Smurf – By Smurfy

In this segment you the reader will get a chance to mail in questions to Smurfy. She will take those questions, and respond with the most ridiculous answers imaginable. “It is my belief that laughter is everything – so, why not share a little silliness with others along the way?” – Smurf

Please send all questions to Smurfy’s pm.

(Please note: Revo does not necessarily agree with the words and opinions of Smurfy. In fact, we reserve the right to deny association with her at all.)

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Question Submitted by Lexie

Why do hot flashes come at 2am?

Response by Smurf

Like most things women go through, the patriarchy has demanded from the gods that women be tortured even after they stop having aunt flow visit. It is unfortunate that the male gender has chosen to beg the gods for another form of torture towards the female gender, but here we are. Why they happen at 2am, is because it was a specific request from one such dude, we’ll call him Frank – who begged the gods that his wife  give him oral in the middle of the night, unfortunately, her refusal ended in a curse for all women everywhere. So, the moral of the story is – you should just get on your knees when a man asks you to. 

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Question Submitted by Xams

Do you believe in Big foot?

Why yes, I had him over to the house just last week. He drank tea, and ate crumpets. We discussed the theory of evolution. He believes that he evolved from a human, and is the superior species. I of course believed him, because that guy knows his shit. He dazzled me with commentary on Shakespeare’s works, but got a little snotty when we had a heated debate on climate change. He also pooped behind my couch. That guy was a hoot! I doubt that stain will ever come out.

Hang Around: SoA
Interviews with Tatiana

This month’s interview is with Smurfy.  Enjoy!

1.)  Give us an overview on what rp is currently happening at The Reckoning:  West Virginia.

Right now, there is a lot of chaos beneath the surface. The Beckley boys (a small-time gang from the next county over) have been hired to mess with the Sons. The problem is none of them will talk and state who hired them.

People are getting shot, kidnapped, and it involves both charters in the room. We have two. SAMTWI and SAMRAC. Both are having to work together to figure out what the hell is happening.

2.)  Tell us about your two main characters in your room.  Give a brief history of both.

Oh, Gosh this is hard, because I don’t have -main- characters. I have so many! Let’s go with the two charter presidents.

Truth & Remi.

Truman “Truth” Bale is president of SAMTWI. He runs the Twilight charter. He has a daughter who is eight years old that he is raising on his own. (with the MC’s help) Because, his wife was a junkie who could no longer be around the kid. Truth is in love with the girl he grew up with, and it took them forever to finally be together (or rather him to convince her!) Truth also has cancer. It’s something that stems from the fracking of the coal mines. A lot of people in Twilight get sick, because of it. So, he struggles with being in charge of this ever-growing MC, and having to battle his illness. He’s a complicated guy. No one wants to mess with him though. The guy is scary!

Remington Legend is president of SAMRAC. He runs the Racine charter. Remi is originally from Darien, Georgia, but was asked to come straighten out Racine. He cleaned house, got rid of some problem members, and is doing his thing. Remi is a total asshole. His old lady is the owner of a porn studio. Even if he refuses to call her his old lady. He’s a dick. Remi is always arguing with one of the members who think that he should have become president. That guy is trying to push Remi out. It’s a lot of fun.

3.)  Your two main chars are heading out on a road trip, where would they travel?

Probably to Kanawha county, or to Huntington. They do a lot of business in both Charleston and Huntington.

4.)  If The Reckoning could have 3 songs to describe what happens inside the room, what 3 songs would that be?

Chuxx Morris – Dead Man Walking

Royal Deluxe – Bad

​Valley of Wolves – We Are Legends

5.)  What year was it when you were introduced to SOA rp? Who introduced you and what room/site was it at?

Oh, gosh I don’t even remember the year. It was Long Beach, but I don’t remember the site. It’s been so long ago.

6.)  Who was your very first SOA character? Do you still rp him/her today?

That would be Carter “The Reverend” Lawson. I do still play him! He’s still an alcoholic, addict, a ladies man, and a mess of a human being, but there’s no guy that can function the way Rev can while being completely hammered. He’s a laugh a minute.

7.)  Did you watch the tv series ‘Sons of Anarchy’ before rping SOA?

Oh yeah. It’s still to this day one of my favorite shows of all time.

8.)  Someone is interested in rping in the Rebels and Reapers section, what advice do you have?

Oh Gosh, my advice is have fun! Don’t take it too seriously. Just go with the flow. A lot of people take it too serious, and it becomes pressured to stay on track of storylines. Let it zig and zag, and just enjoy the ride!

Revealing Roleplayers By Smurfy

In this segment, we will be interviewing roleplayers at random. This is a way to get to know the roleplay community, find out what makes them tick, and delve a little into the raw meat of what makes roleplay special to them

For this interview, we will be delving into the mind of none other than the mysterious woman herself – Kaliko

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THE INTERVIEW

Smurfy: 

How long have you been roleplaying?

Kaliko: 

I’ve only really been role playing outside gor since 2013, before that the only role play I ever did was all gor.

Smurfy: 

What’s your favorite Genre?

Kaliko: 

SOA/Modern

Smurfy:

What’s your favorite storyline you’ve ever done?

Kaliko:

I have enjoyed many good story lines, but I don’t have an absolute favorite yet! I have a lot of new stories in progress so maybe one of them will fill that spot!

Smurfy:

What makes a good roleplay partner?

Kaliko

I think it’s someone that gives as well as takes in the story, helping it build and grow and isn’t one-sided with the story line. 

Smurfy:

If you could bring any character back from the dead, who would it be and why?

Kaliko

None, I think I have maybe two dead characters and I don’t care enough about them to bring them back lol

Smurfy:

The most important question to a roleplayer of course… Who is your all-time favorite character you’ve ever played, or watched someone else play?

Kaliko

I have a lot of characters that I love, but I don’t have an all-time favorite at least not yet!

Hang Around: SoA
Interviews with Tatiana

This month’s interview is with Gabby.  Enjoy!

1.) What year was it when you were introduced to SOA rp? Who introduced you and what room/site was it at?
2014.  Q asked me to come play in Long Beach.

2.) Who was your very first SOA character? Do you still rp him today?
Cairn Fraser.  And, yeah, sometimes.  He’s Vice President of the St Augustine charter now.  He’s come a long way from the playboy Scot

3.) Did you watch the tv series ‘Sons of Anarchy’ before rping SOA? What do you think of the series?
Actually, no.  I started watching it after.  I prefer the Mayans over SOA, funny enough.

4.) Tell us everything about your character, Irons.
Irons and his twin brother, Hammer, were born and bred Dirty Deeds.  His father was DDMC, his mother born into it since her father had been prez of the Savannah charter.  Most of his life, Irons was the jokester, always laughing.  Never seemed to take life seriously, where his brother always took it too seriously.   That changed about two years ago.  He had a baby on the way, engaged to marry the woman.  It all ended in tragedy when a slut hanging at the club caused him to crash his bike while his girl was on there with him.  She drove a car straight into his bike.  His recovery wasn’t easy, physically, and emotionally it pretty much wrecked him.  Six months ago, he and his twin moved to Panama City, Florida, to get away from the memories, start fresh.  They both were made Enforcers for the charter there as they began the rebuild.  He’s made himself a reputation as a hard ass, and most women think he hates women.

5.) Describe Irons’ motorcycle. Where in the world would he like to travel with it?
Irons’s bike is one of the newer models.  The guys give him a bit of ribbing over it since he went a bit more sporty than most of them do.  His ride is the Harley Davidson FXDR 114.  It’s a cruiser, but not a common one.  It has that sleeker jet-fighter inspired lines with the 34 degree rake.  It has a more extreme look and stance, while also giving him the performance and handling not commonly found in a cruiser.  It has minimum weight for maximum performance.  There are a lot of bells and whistles on this baby, not least of which is the Milwaukee-Eight, V-Twin engine.  Or the sleek design to the stretched fuel tank that lengthens the profile of the bike to give it an aggressive look.  He loves this bike that he purchased the moment he was able to walk again.  His plan is to someday travel the States on it, but he doesn’t really want to travel outside of the States.  He’s a Georgia boy that is perfectly happen staying in the United States.

6.) Tell us about your other SOA character, Seraphine. What is her story so far?
Seraphine isn’t actually an SOA character.  She’s a Dirty Deeds MC princess.  Her father was the vice president of the charter in Panama City, her older brother was an Enforcer.  Her mother had died when she was about 3 or 4, and the club women raised her within the clubhouse that is an old abandoned and remodelled mall.  Center of her entire world was the club.  Every woman and patch within it had a hand in raising her.  When the Kingsley family attacked and slaughtered the club and all its patches, women and children, she was taken from the clubhouse and held by one of the Kingsley boys.  The twins, Irons and Hammer, rescued her a few days after the slaughter.  It was a horrifying experience, one that she still is recovering from.  But, she’s strong.  She proves it every day.

7.) How did you like this year’s rally?
It was fun, a bit closed in with only one or two playing at a time.  I believe it should become more a biker rally, than a SOA only rally, since there are more rooms opening that aren’t Sons rooms.  Allow more creativity to rp.

8.) What advice would you give to someone who is new to SOA rp?
Remember that SOA is merely one person’s POV of the biker life.   Trust your own creativity and maximize the potential of roleplay with others by being open to playing with others, not just one or two people.

9.) Besides role-playing, what else do you enjoy partaking in?
Horseback riding, reading, video games, am a RDR2 addict.

Thanks for reading.  See you in December!

That’s Just British…
Wit and Wisdom from Across the Pond….
By Russ

“Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors” – Alice Walker

2020 has been a shit show. We can all agree on that. It’s had its ups and downs…. Well ok mostly downs. But in England we deal with challenges like this in almost always the same way. Got to deal with a difficult situation. Get the kettle on. Got to send a difficult e-mail. Tea. Consul someone, get a brew. Brace yourself for a tough chat… kettle. Had a bit of bad news. Kettle. It’s the same thing. And you cradle it to you, like a loved one. It’s safe, comforting, reassuring. A ritual, A warming cup to sooth all the bleakness.

So when Prime Minister Boris announced Lockdown, the first go to… tea (beer is a close second later) So of course I was out of tea. This should have been a warning of what was to come.

Tea really is part of being English to me, its an ingrained part of our psyche, tea breaks at work, visiting family and friends, always within the first few minutes of meeting up, it’s a case of “I’ll put the kettle on” I’m a late convert to Coffee, and I do love it, but tea, tea is the favourite. I always start the day with a brew.

I can’t tell you who figure putting tea leaves into hot water and adding milk was a good idea. They were a genius though. Tea first arrived here in the 17th Century. And it’s become like crack to us ever since. We drink 60 billion cups of the stuff.

Tea is serious stuff here. It’s made in a very precise way. Ideally in a pot. With milk added first in this method. If you have to use a bag then milk comes after. Always boiled water in a kettle. Anyone who tells you otherwise, deserves to have been dusted by Thanos. And don’t get me started on Iced tea… just no. Unless you are in the Southern States of the US, where I can understand it’s as much engrained in your culture as black tea is here. If it doesn’t scold your mouth, it’s not British tea. Previously I had sugar in my tea, but cut that out, it masked the taste.

For those not bored here is a video explain the ways of tea making:

And Important is how much milk, tea usually looks like one of:

(Renegade is my go to)

Does all of this sound dull to you? I mean why get so worked up over tea Russ? Because it’s part of us. It’s not just drinking tea. If I’m honest it’s not really the most appealing idea of food is it. It’s pretty bland. But it’s more than that. Here it’s a displacement activity. We hide behind tea. “Oh shit Steve got sacked, he’s… he’s crying… well this is awkward and I need to be here for him… He needs comforting… a hug… fuck that… I don’t even hug my mum… unless it’s her birthday… to the Kettle!” When we feel awkward or uncomfortable in a social situation (so 99% of the time) we can hide behind a mug, giving someone a tea is like giving them part of your soul, you put time and effort into it, you want to hear the magical words “That’s a bloody good cuppa” that’s as close to “I love you for being here” that some of us are prepared to confide.

And it doesn’t end there, I have even touched on afternoon tea, scones (Jam first of cream first…) the best biscuits to dip into it (rich tea, digestive… hob nobs…) It goes on. Tea is a ritual here, It brings comfort, it brings us together and allows us to deal with difficult situations. And don’t tell me you don’t get it my America friends, you knew enough to know that to piss us off, you fuck with our tea. You dumped it into cold water. Cold! From there we got the American Revolution and well we know the rest.

In the current climate, tea drinking brings us comfort, and togetherness. The first thing I did when lockdown eased here was go and visit my mum. When we all stood around awkwardly after being pleased to see each other, knowing that one of us would put our foot in it and say we’d missed each other. Mum called on social convention “tea?” It saved us all from having to say what didn’t need to be said and allowed us to remain being emotionally closed off Brits. But we all know how much we mean to each other, mum went to the trouble of making a pot of tea and it might be the best cup I’ve ever had.

And yes I did bolt to the shop and ensure I had enough tea bags. But don’t worry no one panic brought tea. That’s just rude.

Boozy Travels with Rivers

Talk Dirty to Me…

If you asked anyone they’d likely tell you that my favorite drink is wine. They wouldn’t be wrong, I really love wine – but I love it at home. Its rare that I order wine when I go out. To me, wine goes with the couch, or a bubble bath. It goes with that first moment of silence after putting the little guy to bed. It sips perfectly by a Christmas tree or on the deck by the water.

When I go out? Its different. I generally have a favorite drink everywhere I go, kind of how I associate wine with my home I have a drink that I associate with my favorite places. At the Melting Pot I always order a Vapor. At Homecomin’ I always order a Bloody Mary. But just as I have drinks associated with places…I have drinks associated with occasions.

Every year, late summer or early fall I take a little trip by myself to my favorite resort in Orlando. I always get there hours before I can check in to the room because I like to spend the afternoon in the lobby by the fountain, watching people mill about, listening to the music and pretending I’m not glancing at the bar every 2-4 minutes waiting for it to open.

This is normally about where I sit and you can see Phins bar in the background…

I really love the fountain…

But this is about alcohol – and low key stalking the bar.

It opens later than literally any other bar in the resort, but its absolutely thrilling when they walk out and begin to set up. Soon thereafter the waitress will meander about those sitting around the lobby near the bar to take drink orders. Thats when I get to order the drink that kicks off one of my favorite times of the year.

“I’ll have a dirty-as-a-whore-on-the-corner martini, please.”

You heard what I said.

There’s always an awkward pause. A stifled laugh. Then the attempt to make the situation normal again, “would you like gin or vodka?”

But I have to take it back.

“Vodka. And don’t forget to tell them – dirty as a whore.”

Let’s be real for a minute, folks. If a dirty martini is not made with the proper level of dirty then you’re basically sipping a fancy glass of rubbing alcohol. You need that brine. It needs to be cloudy. You need to question if there’s anything but olive juice in that glass. You need to sip it and reminisce on the ocean.

Then you need to sip it again and lean back on the cushion by that fountain and exhale because…its finally vacation time.

There is nothing better than that first dirty martini in the early afternoon to kick off your vacation. To have nowhere to be. To have nothing to do but sip that cold, briny elixir and wait for your room key.

True bliss.

PS – this apocalyptic plague is gonna have to back the fuck down because I’m gonna be saltier than that martini if I don’t get to make my annual trip this year!

Now this isn’t something I generally make at home because it doesn’t give me the same feeling as the one pictured above.

But, given the apocalypse – I might have to settle this year. Luckily, its easy enough to recreate (sans the whole resort/vacation part)!

Dirty as a Whore on the Corner Martini

2.5 ounces vodka
1.5 ounces dry vermouth
0.5 ounces olive brine (that’s a lie. don’t measure – pour until its filthy)

Shake with ice, strain into a glass, garnish with olives.

Incase that dirty martini isn’t speaking to you…take a look (and probably a sip) of this one:

Cherry Vanilla Rum Float

2 vanilla bean pods
1/2 cup water
1 cup sugar
1/2 pound fresh or frozen pitted cherries
1 tablespoon lemon juice

4 scoops of vanilla ice cream
6 ounces Captain Morgan original spiced rum
cherry vanilla syrup
soda water
maraschino cherries for garnish

Preparation

1. Cherry Vanilla Syrup: Slice vanilla bean pods down the center and scrape out the black seeds. Add seeds and husks to a small saucepan. Add water, sugar, and cherries to the saucepan. Place pan on medium-low heat. Stir well to dissolve sugar and bring to a simmer.

2. Use a small potato masher or a fork to muddle the cherries while simmering. Let simmer for 7–8 minutes, until liquid reduces and becomes syrupy. Stir in lemon juice. Remove from heat and let cool. Strain syrup, pressing mixture through a sieve with a spatula to extract all the liquid.

3. Float: Place a scoop of vanilla ice cream in each glass. Pour 11⁄2 ounces Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum into each, followed by 2 tablespoons of cherry vanilla syrup. Fill each glass up to the top with soda water. Garnish with maraschino cherries.