Indigo Knows

………………

The Man Child

Dear Indigo,

I recently got into a situation with this woman I’ve been seeing. Things were great. She was cleaning my apartment, then all of a sudden she goes through my freezer and tosses out every last piece of meat and replaces it with this veggie burger shit. How do I keep from strangling her? Also, how do I keep her from asking for more of a commitment, when clearly I’ve given her too much freedom in my space.

Signed, Remington Legend (The Reckoning)

To the Man Child,

It’s always hard when beginning a new relationship. There’s going to be bumps along the way. Your question of how do you keep her from asking for more hints that it hasn’t happened yet, you just want a way to get out. Sadly, Man Child, this seer sees a little too much, and it’s not her you should be worried about. As for the meat, eat what she makes… but stop at a drive thru on the way home. Remember to carry mouthwash, meat can taint the breath.

-Indigo

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Pump and Dump

Dear Indigo,

I just met this hot piece of ass broad. Things heated up pretty quick, but we got drunk really fast. I’m pretty sure she was trying to kill me the whole time we were getting into some heavy petting situations, then I started to feel my whole world spinning around. Tequila does that to a guy. Just as we were getting to the good part – I found myself passing out right after my own orgasm. I never even got her off. So, I have two questions. How do I keep her from calling me a minute man, and also how do I get her to stop trying to kill me with a handbag?

Signed, Knox Legend (The Reckoning)

Dear Pump and Dump,

So you found the saying tequila makes her clothes fall off and got a little over excited. It happens to the best of us… No matter how badly you’re going to mess up in the future, this will be a minor blip on a scale of normal to catastrophic. Try thinking of unsexy things the next time you find yourself with your pants down to control that minute mark beast. As for the bag, invest in good insurance.

-Indigo