It’s a strange thing, 2020 – I mean, it’s been absolute trash. Just complete garbage, for all the obvious reasons. No one can go outside, see their friends, schools are truly and thoroughly fucked, and I don’t even want to imagine the long-term psychological impact all this quarantining is having on a generation of still-developing children.
A real bullshit year, if you ask me.
There did seem to be one small, not at all worth it, silver lining though. See, with me stuck inside all this time? I figured I’d probably be roleplaying like crazy – just writing up a storm. All those other things I used to do, that pulled my attention away from this odd duck hobby of ours? Kind of no longer available. And I’d been meaning to really dig deep into some rp, like I used to, and I figured this year was definitely the year since most other options had disappeared.
Nope.
It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s not that I’m not interested. It’s not even that I lack for ideas. It’s that I’m so fucking tired. Turns out the part of my brain that’s a giant engine full of stress and anxiety? That’s the same place the words come from. I’d head on into a room, tags on, with a story idea in mind, and just…nothing.
No drive. No energy. “Fuck it,” I’d say. “Not feeling it today,” I’d tell myself. “No big deal. No hurry. Go play some Assassin’s Creed,” I’d think before signing out. Or Bannerlord. Or Subnautica. Crusader Kings 3. The Forest. Frostpunk. Shadow of War.
I mean, that’s totally some “first world problems” whinging right there – in the grand scheme of things it matters not at all. People are fucking dying. (And holy shit do I ever not want to hear a single fucking comment about how this pandemic is being “overblown” or “exaggerated” or “made political” – like seriously. Fucking don’t.)
I’m well aware of how lucky I am to be in a much better place than a lot of other people. But I want to write, I miss writing, and once upon a time writing was actually good for my head.
Blogging doesn’t seem to tax me the same way – I don’t know if it’s the solitary nature of it, or not needing to pretend to be anyone but myself, or if it’s the freedom to just…spew words on whatever topic I feel like at any moment…but yeah. This is what I’m gonna be doing to scratch that creative itch for the moment, since other thigns don’t seem to be working.
Instead of roleplaying, I’m going to write about roleplay. As a hobby. As a craft. As an online community. As someone with two and a half decades experience.
Here we go.